Why You’re Always Misunderstood (And How to Fix It)

Imagine this…

You’re talking to your partner, trying to explain yourself, but somehow, everything gets twisted. You didn’t mean it that way, but now you’re arguing over nothing. You walk away frustrated, feeling even more misunderstood, and that gap between you two keeps growing. The silence that follows only deepens the divide.

Here’s the thing—it’s not just a one-off. It’s slowly chipping away at your connection. Research shows that 65% of relationship conflicts stem from miscommunication. If this keeps happening, more frustration, resentment, and emotional withdrawal will follow.

But here’s the good news: it’s fixable and easier than you think.

Let’s dive in.

Here’s the uncomfortable truth…

Women usually talk to connect and share feelings. It’s not just about the words, but the emotions behind them. Men, on the other hand, talk to share information. They focus on facts, aiming for clarity. For them, good communication means the other person can repeat back exactly what they said.

But here’s where things fall apart: women often try to get their partner to feel what they’re feeling, while men usually focus on the literal meaning. This disconnect leads to frustration. She feels unheard, and he feels confused.

As Dr Deborah Tannen, a renowned linguistics professor, puts it: “For women, communication is primarily a way to establish connection, while for men, it’s often about status and independence”.

This difference in approach is the root of so many arguments.

Research confirms that these gender-based communication styles are wired differently. Understanding this is the first step to changing it.

Here’s how to close that gap and stop feeling misunderstood (for both of you):

For Him:
Next time she’s talking, tune into the emotions behind her words, not just the facts. Say, "It sounds like you’re feeling overwhelmed right now," even if you don’t fully understand why. This shows her you’re not just listening to the surface, but connecting with the emotions underneath—and that’s exactly what she needs.

For Her:
When sharing how you feel, avoid jumping from one emotion to another. Stick to one feeling at a time. This helps him stay focused and understand you better. Men process emotional information differently, so offering a clear point makes a big difference.

For Her:
If you’re looking for an emotional response, be upfront. Say, “I don’t need you to fix this, I just need you to listen.” Men are wired to jump into solution mode, so giving clear guidance helps them provide the emotional support you need.

For Both:
Before reacting, pause and ask, “Am I getting this right?” or “Is this how you’re feeling?” This simple step can stop misunderstandings before they spiral. It shows you care about getting it right and fosters better understanding.

Weekly Emotional Check-ins (Both):
Set aside 20 minutes each week to talk about how you’re feeling—not just about the relationship, but about life in general. Regular check-ins keep you emotionally aligned and prevent bigger issues from building up.

Mini-Challenge for the Week:
Try emotional reflection (for him) and clear expression of needs (for her) in your next conversation. See how much smoother things go when you make these small shifts. After trying it out, hit reply and let me know how it went! I’d love to hear how these tips changed the way you communicate.

If you want personalized help improving your communication, book a Relationship Clarity Session to discover what’s keeping you from connecting with your partner. Together, we’ll create a path to deeper, more meaningful conversations.