Why Men Lie

I know there is a popular belief that all men know how to do is lie.

As a man, I can tell you for a fact that we know how to do a lot of things well, lying happens to be one of them.

It’s not our fault we easily master the skill to skew events and people in our favour with a few tweaked words!

Today’s newsletter is not going to contain the cookie cutter b.s you can find anywhere on the internet that gives weird reasons like “Oh men lie because they want to protect you, or because they’re lazy.

The information I’m about to share with you is “premium high shelf stuff”. One that is going to give you proper insight and aid you on your journey to having the functional and healthy romantic relationship and happy marriage you desire

P.S. The concepts contained in this week’s newsletter do not apply to a man who is a pathological liar, or a cheat. Pathological liars lie for no good reason and a man who is cheating on you will lie to cover his trail.

This post is geared towards a normal man who may or may not be in a romantic relationship or marriage and is not a pathological liar or a cheat.

Let’s go!!!

Men lie to satisfy their emotional needs. I know this sounds weird but hear me out. Men are emotional creatures too even though they do not always show it. And as emotional creatures, they have emotional needs too. They have 3 core emotional needs which are admiration, peace, and a healthy ego (keyword healthy). Follow my train of thought here, I promise I’m going somewhere. Here is the breakdown of what I mean.

The first core emotional need of any man is admiration. Admiration is the combination of appreciation, value and respect.

All men do and strive for in life is centred around having this first core need met by people in their lives and by extension their community and society at large.

They attempt to get admiration by doing activities like striving to be the best in their career/field or going through dangerous or seemingly difficult feats or striving to have sexual intercourse with a lot of hot women. It’s all done to be admired.

A man would lie to increase or maintain the level of admiration his community, family, friends or significant other/ romantic partner has for him in a relationship.

For example, men lie about having money because they know that it increases the level of value women and society place on them, they lie about doing or not doing specific things because they know it may increase or decrease the level of appreciation their romantic partner or spouses or people in society would have for them, and they would lie about scenarios where they accomplished dangerous feats because it improves the level of respect they get from people, especially their romantic partners

A man's second core emotional need after admiration has been settled is peace A.K.A peace of mind.

Contrary to popular myths about men, we despise conflict and war but have no problems facing it head-on if it means our loved ones don’t have to.

Men need and crave peace so much that they do not mind lying to get it.

If a man knows the only way he can have peace in his home or when he is around his romantic partner is to lie, As long as he still loves her, he will stay in the relationship or marriage and gladly lie to her. Men also lie to quickly end conversations they know will lead to arguments or conflict.

So the next time you ask your boyfriend, fiancé or husband if he would still love you if you were a worm and he says yes, know that the man prioritized his peace over a logical answer.

All men have an ego. I don’t know why they are created this way, but this is how they are built from the factory by the creator I guess.

Men lie to meet their ego needs in 2 ways;

Many men hate to admit it but they need their egos stroked now and then. Why you ask? because it makes them feel good the same way attention from the people women want makes them feel good. It has the same effect on their emotional state the same way hearing the words “ I love you” from the man they genuinely love and want has on a woman's emotional state.

Now that you know why men lie, how do you make them stop lying?

This is the most straightforward thing ever. If you don’t want your man to start a habit of lying to you, create an environment where his admiration, peace and ego needs are met unconditionally. If he knows irrespective of his shortcomings or mistakes you’d still meet those needs without judgement or hostility, he’d be open to having honest conversations about his true intentions and feelings with you and hence not see any reason to lie to you.

Men are fairly simple creatures. Instead of nagging, quarrelling, or arguing to try and make your fianceé or boyfriend or husband do something, meet his admiration needs by showering him with praise for the things he already does. Men are addicted to praises, and the more you praise him for the things he does well, the more he would look for more things to be good at to receive more praise.

You can also encourage him to open up more by engaging in active listening and not shooting him down, making fun of him or using whatever he tells you against him when he opens up to you. If he knows you create a safe space for him to air his thoughts, feelings and fears with you, he’d be more honest with you than anybody in his life.

And when he is around you, try and be his peace.

Until next time…bye for now

Was this forwarded to you? Sign up here

Need long-form relationship and marriage advice that's both insightful and amusing? Check out my medium articles

Need relationship coaching or a listening ear to venting needs? Book a 1-on-1 virtual coaching session with me

Looking to make smarter decisions in your relationships and marriage? Invest in your personal growth and knowledge to set yourself up for success.

Want to help make a difference in the world? Support my efforts to save relationships and marriages globally, one couple at a time