The secret to finding the right partner

“There’s no love outside anymore”, “A lot of people pretend”, “Good people are hard to find”, “There are no good single people anymore, they’re either all currently in a romantic relationship or happily married”, “Good people are hard to find”.

Those statements and more like them that I did not include is the current “national anthem” sung by most single people who want a romantic relationship with the “right partner” and eventually settle down with them on a loop.

Today I’d be answering the question “How do I find the right partner?”

A question I’m almost always asked daily by you scientists—yes, I call members of this global community, scientists…deal with it if you have a problem with it—and people outside this community.

Let’s begin!!!!”

First things first, if you are an ardent reader of the medium stories I have posted in the past, you’d know that I have already established the fact that there is no such thing as a “soul mate”. It does not exist. There is no one destined to be with you, ordained by God or the universe. I have debunked the myth of having one particular partner for you and you alone. You can check out the story here (after reading today’s newsletter of course😌).

What there is and always will be, is the right kind of person for you. And the right kind of person for you ultimately depends on the person you are.

The kind of person you are is determined by the identity you choose to embody in all areas of your life. So here’s the elusive secret to finding the right partner for you….you don’t! they find you!

Trippy right? let me explain. My statement “they find you” means that you attract them to your life. You are the magnet, and they are the positive ends of metal.

Now here is the uncomfortable truth, The people who hover around you, and are in your life are a reflection of the kind of person you currently are. And the kind of person you currently are is a result of the decisions you took in the past. The decisions you took in the past is as a result of the identity you accepted as true. And the identity you chose for yourself is a result of the thoughts you consistently thought and pondered on yesterday.

This means that the kind of people you attract into your life is going to be determined by the thoughts you’re dwelling on that will ultimately form the identity you choose today.

In very simple and concise words, the secret to finding the right partner is being the right partner. And to do that, you need to have the right identity of yourself.

So how do you become “the right partner?”

Embark on a self-discovery journey. Understand your true self - your gifts, purpose, and authentic life goals and not what society or your family says it should be.

In this phase, identifying your life's purpose is key. In fact, it is the foundation on which all other self-discovery outcomes are built upon. Only then should you consider a partner who aligns with this path.

Know yourself to understand your potential. List your current strengths and areas for growth compared to your desired character, not a celebrity.

List detailed qualities you seek in a lifelong partner, reflecting the person you aspire to be.

Imagine what qualities your ideal partner would seek in you.

Live as that envisioned self, think and act accordingly. Watch as your life adjusts to your new identity.

First, be, then attract. That's the sequence.

Sadly I couldn’t find any case studies to drive this topic home after scouring the internet 😭.