It was around 3 A.M., and I’d just started to feel sleepy (shoutout to insomnia) when my phone buzzed.
It was a text from my friend, whom I’ll call John, for obvious privacy reasons.
After the usual “How’s life? How’s work?” small talk, he asked if we could switch to a call.
Now, since it had been a while since we’d spoken, I thought, “Fuck it, let’s do this, A 3 A.M. call with a guy? Why not?" (No Diddy.)
He started talking about a “hypothetical” situation involving his “friend.”
Because I was half-asleep, it didn’t even occur to me that this friend was him because my brain was too busy trying to stay awake.
This “friend” had caught his girlfriend cheating on him... for the second time.
And get this, he was planning to propose to her the same week he caught her, and he was debating whether he should forgive her again.
At this point, my brain was screaming, “What the actual fuck is happening here?”
But wait...there’s more.
This “friend” met his girlfriend at a party.
He thought she was single, so he made his move and they started having frequent “meetings” *cough* cough 👀, then two months later, he found out she was in a committed relationship.
Did that stop him?
Nope.
The “meetings” were apparently that good, so he stayed.
She eventually left her boyfriend for him, and now here he was, debating whether he should forgive her for cheating on him twice.
TWICE!!!
Now, the thing about me is that when I’m sleepy or hungry, my usual filters do not exist.
So I said something along the lines of:
Nah, fuck that bitch. She doesn’t respect relationships, boundaries, or herself. If he stays, he’s signing up for a lifetime of misery. This isn’t a mistake, it’s a pattern. She cheated on her ex with him, and she cheated on him, too. She’ll do it again.
And honestly?
Fuck him too.
This is karma. He knew she was cheating when they started. So he can’t even act surprised.
He decided to play stupid games, so he should be happy and content winning stupid prizes.
He needs to dump her ass and move the fuck on.
Was it polite? Nope!
Was it honest? Painfully!
After that, we talked about random shit, then he hung up and I went back to pretending sleep was possible after the call.
I didn’t think about that convo again.
Almost a year later, I ran into John and out of nowhere, this son of a gun starts thanking me.
I just stood there, confused as fuck because I had no clue what he was on about.
Then he reminded me of the 3 A.M. call.
That midnight therapy session (which I still haven't been paid for) was the wake-up call he needed.
He said my unfiltered, half-asleep rant hit him hard enough to break the denial loop and also gave him the courage to walk away from what he called an “emotionally abusive relationship.”
Now that the story has come to an end, here’s the part that matters to you:
John’s real problem wasn’t just the cheating. It was that he built the entire relationship on chemistry.
The thrill of the forbidden fruit, the sex, the adrenaline and the chaos clouded his judgment.
This then made him ignore the fact that they were fundamentally incompatible.
They had no shared values (except for finding cheating acceptable 👀), no emotional safety and no mutual respect.
That’s why he stayed when he should’ve walked and why he confused addiction for affection.
Sure, their connection started with excitement and lust, but once the honeymoon haze wore off, all that was left were the 3 deadly D's (drama, distrust and dysfunction).
So, if you’re in something that gives you heat but no harmony or you're holding onto intensity and calling it intimacy...
Wake up!
Chemistry feels good, but compatibility is good.
Chemistry gives butterflies, while compatibility gives peace.
And when you hit the inevitable cross roads—because you will—where you're to pick between having butterflies or having peace, please choose peace every single fucking time.
P.S. If you’re worried that I just spilt my friend’s secret, relax! He gave me full permission to share it, and he’s also a loyal Sunday reader—sup John😂.
P.P.S. If you’re tired of chasing chemistry and calling it “connection,” it’s time to filter better. Stop picking partners who cost you peace, emotional energy, self-trust, self-esteem, and your damn standards.
Get the Compatibility Filter and never waste another year on someone you were never meant to build with.
See you next Sunday.