9 Relationship murderers you willingly let into your love life

Secrets: Yeah…just in case you still need me to tell you, secrets don’t really do much in terms of positivity in a romantic relationship. Although, I understand that the phase of boyfriend and girlfriend during courtship in this day and age can be temporary and there’d be a need to keep things about your life to yourself until you are 100% sure that you’re getting married to said bf or gf. But in marriage secrets are usually divorce originators. You’re meant to be naked and unafraid with your spouse.

The point I’m trying to make is that if you find yourself hiding your phone password and keeping your phone away from your romantic partner because of what’s in there but you’re already sharing the most intimate body parts you have with each other…it’s high time you evaluate your relationship, and life in general.

Dishonesty: Dishonesty means not saying the truth for the truth’s sake. Because you can still tell the truth and still be a manipulative piece of shit. Because a lot of people “tell the truth” in ways that are misleading to paint a skewed picture of events and people. My point here is this; if your communication lacks sincerity, transparency, and a genuine intention to foster understanding and trust.

A lack of boundaries: Relationships without healthy boundaries are like open fields without fences, mouths without teeth, eyes without eyelids, and a perfectly brand new 1 terabyte iPhone 14 Promax without a case or screen protector. Without clear lines of respect and personal space, partners can trample over each other's feelings, privacy, and autonomy. This breeds resentment and misunderstandings, choking the love that should be allowed to flourish.

Criticism: In love relationships and marriages, there's no such thing as "constructive criticism”. Criticism just means one person blaming the other for problems and saying it's because of a flaw in them. it leads to insecurity and defensiveness. Over time, the relentless barrage of criticism can make partners feel unloved and unworthy.

Contempt: This is criticism but with the aura of relative superiority. So basically you’re that one vegan in the friend group who’s always passive-aggressive and judging meat eaters as heartless SOBs because they do not care about animals. Contempt has 3 major ways it gets expressed namely; disrespect, disgust and moral superiority.

Fun fact: did you know that a study showed that in 15 minutes—yes, you read that right—of conflict between romantic couples, the number of times a listener heard something contemptuous predicted how many infectious illnesses they would have in the coming years?

The people who experienced more contempt got sicker as the years progressed. Don’t believe me? You can see for yourself here

The frequency and intensity of contempt are also the single greatest predictor of divorce among married couples.

A lack of intimacy: Intimacy is the glue that holds a romantic relationship together. It's not just about physical affection, but also emotional closeness, vulnerability, and understanding. Without regular nourishment of intimacy, partners start to feel distant, isolated, and unloved.

Comparison:

Comparing your partner to others or pitting them against an idealized version of someone else is an excellent way to kill the love in your romantic relationship or marriage. Comparison fosters feelings of inadequacy and jealousy and it undermines the unique bond that should be cherished between the couple.

A lack of appreciation: Neglecting to show appreciation for your partner's efforts and qualities is a surefire way to slowly extinguish whatever sparks or feelings of love they have for you. Everyone wants to feel seen, valued and acknowledged in a relationship. When appreciation wanes, partners might start questioning whether their presence truly matters.

P.S. It also slowly breeds resentment in the unappreciated partner if done consistently and over time.

A lack of effective communication: If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it 135 times. Effective communication is one of the building blocks of all relationships both romantic and non-romantic.

Commit to open communication: Share thoughts, feelings, and experiences honestly.

Create a safe space: Make sure your partner feels comfortable discussing anything without fear of judgment.

Address past secrets: If you've been keeping things, come clean and rebuild trust.

Prioritize honesty: Make a pact to always tell the truth, even when it's uncomfortable.

Own up to mistakes: Admit when you're wrong and apologize sincerely

Build trust: Consistently choosing honesty strengthens the foundation of your relationship.

Set boundaries together: Discuss and agree on personal boundaries for space, time, and privacy.

Communicate expectations: Let your partner know what you're comfortable with and what crosses the line.

Respect each other's boundaries: Consistently honour and respect the agreed-upon limits.

Focus on behaviours and the prevalent issue and not the character of your partner: Address specific actions without attacking your partner's character.

Offer solutions: Instead of just pointing out flaws suggest ways to improve together.

Celebrate strengths: Balance critiques with appreciating each other's positive traits.

Show appreciation: Regularly express gratitude and admiration for your partner.

Practice active listening: Truly hear and understand your partner's perspective without judgment.

Speak kindly: Use respectful and considerate language, even during disagreements.

Prioritize quality time: Spend meaningful moments together, engaging in shared activities.

Be vulnerable: Share your thoughts, fears, and dreams, creating a deeper emotional bond.

Physical affection: Maintain regular physical touch, including hugs, kisses, and cuddling.

Practice daily gratitude: Make it a habit to express appreciation for the little things your partner does.

Specific compliments: Instead of generic praise, acknowledge specific efforts and qualities.

Surprise gestures: Surprise your partner with thoughtful acts of kindness to show your appreciation.

Scheduled check-ins: Regularly dedicate time to discuss your relationship, feelings, and concerns.

Active listening: Give your full attention when your partner is speaking and validate their emotions.

Use "I" statements: Express your feelings using "I" statements to avoid blaming or accusing.