Last week, Maya relapsed into dating apps and ended up in bed with Emeka, a man who disrespected her all evening but was charming enough to make her ignore every red flag. [Missed part 2? Read it here.]
Maya woke up in Emeka's bed with crusted mascara from the dried tears on her cheeks, and his hand groping her breast like her body was his.
She moved it off her chest and slipped out.
Her panties were under his shoes. Her bra hung from the ceiling fan.
She Ubered home in silence, walked straight to the bathroom as soon as she entered her apartment and spent the next three hours trying to scrub off the shame.
The hot water did nothing to clean the self-betrayal off her skin.
It wasn’t about Emeka.
It was about her.
About the woman who keeps saying yes to men who treat her like a placeholder.
“When had she become this person? When had she started accepting treatment she wouldn't wish on her worst enemy?” she muttered in her empty bathroom.
The breaking point came Monday morning.
Her period was late.
Sitting on her bathroom floor at 6 AM, pregnancy test trembling in her hand, Maya felt her entire life flash before her eyes.
And all she saw weren’t the highlights but the failures.
Every man who'd used her body and discarded her heart.
Every time she'd said yes when she meant no.
Every piece of herself she'd given away to men who saw her as disposable entertainment.
The test was negative, but the relief didn't come.
All that existed was silence.
Silence louder than a baby’s cry.
If it had been positive, she wouldn’t even know the father's full name.
Not really.
Just his IG handle.
All because he made her laugh and had good chemistry.
Then something inside her cracked, and all she felt then was rage.
Pure, clarifying rage.
That evening, over pepper soup at their usual spot, Maya told Kemi everything.
The real everything and not the sanitised version she usually shared.
"I keep choosing men who make me feel like shit," Maya said, her voice cracking. "But I choose them. Every single fucking time."
Kemi put down her spoon. "It’s because you're choosing them based on the wrong things”
Kemi's words hit like a slap across the face.
"What do you mean wrong things?" Maya asked, stirring her pepper soup defensively.
"You're choosing your men based on their looks, money, and charm. You lace unnecessary priority on how they make you feel in the moment. But feelings lie."
Maya opened her mouth to argue, but Kemi continued.
"Think about it. Every guy who hurt you was attractive, financially stable, and charming on the first date. But none of them respected your time, your boundaries, or your feelings."
The truth stung because it was accurate.
"So what am I supposed to do? Date ugly broke guys? What am I supposed to choose based on?"
"How they treat you when they're not trying to impress you. How they talk about other women. Whether they respect your time, your boundaries, your body. Whether you can actually be yourself around them without pretending to be cool with things that hurt you."
"And another thing," Kemi continued. "Stop having sex with men who don't even know your middle name. Your body isn't a consolation prize for their attention."
For the first time in months, Maya felt something click into place.
Maybe because she was finally ready to listen.
The more she stirred her pepper soup and thought about Kemi’s words, the more she connected the dots and realised why she kept ending up with men who treated her like a convenience store that was always open, no questions asked.
"So I need a system," Maya said slowly. "A way to filter before I'm naked and crying."
"Exactly, and you’re just going to have to figure out the one that works best for you, but you cannot go back to your old way of choosing partners", Kemi replied.
Maya was about to spend the next eight months learning the hard way what could be taught in ninety minutes the smart way in the compatibility filtering system.
The hard way always hurts more than the smart way and it’s a choice you’ll have to make for yourself.
The Compatibility Filtering System isn't another dating strategy. It's the framework that stops you from confusing butterflies with red flags.
Get instant access here Because your time and peace are too valuable to waste on people who see you as optional.
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