6ft5, chocolate skin like hazelnut, handsome, loves dogs, anime, loves novels, is romantic and an excellent kisser.
Petite with a fat ass and an okay boobs ratio, curly long-ish hair, loves comedy, obsessed with Tolkien and is into gaming.
If I had a dollar every time I heard someone rattle off this nonsense like it’s a soulmate cheat code, I’d be a comfortable thousandaire.
I mean it. I did the math.
Five thousand, six hundred and eighteen dollars a month for nearly eight months.
That's good money for just listening to people spew bullshit.
Before I became a relationship coach, I watched people do this repeatedly.
They’d confuse their wants (shallow preferences) with their needs (relationship essentials) and then wonder why their love lives felt like a never-ending shitshow.
I see them get fixated on a checklist of surface-level traits and convince themselves that finding someone who ticks all those boxes means they’ve hit the jackpot, not knowing that what they’re doing is treating their love life like a Sims character creator session.
So, let me make this simple...
Your wants are not your needs, and your preferences are not your standards.
The more you mix them up, the more you’re guaranteeing disappointment.
Think of choosing a partner like ordering a cake.
Your wants are the sprinkles and icing, while your needs are the actual fucking cake.
Would you order a cake and expect the baker to just slap some icing in a box, ship it to your house, and call it a day?
No?
You'll be fucking mad?
Exactly.
Then why the fuck do you think it's okay to do this with something as important as your love life?
The person who checks all your shallow preference boxes but lacks the core qualities that sustain a relationship will make your life miserable, and you won’t even see it coming until it’s too late.
But, thankfully, today, you’re done with that nonsense.
You’re going to build your partner criteria based on your actual needs—your values, your emotional essentials, and your long-term compatibility—not the Hollyweird-fed fantasies that keep you stuck in a cycle of bad relationships.
This is exactly what I teach in the 2nd C of my 3Cs Framework: Compatibility.
Here’s what to do next
Pick 3-5 absolute non-negotiables you need in a partner (not just stuff that sounds good or stuff you've been told to want, but stuff you can’t function without). Let that be your yardstick, not “6ft5 and looks good in a suit. or has big boobs and is blonde”
If you want an in-depth system you can easily understand and implement to see results in how you start picking potential romantic partners in the next 48 hours, you can grab it here.
Or don't! I'm not your Dad.
Until next week.